


Lost Boy

by LokiStank



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Adorable Tony Stark, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Clint Barton Is a Good Bro, Developing Friendships, Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Fuckbuddies, Homophobia, Loki (Marvel) Has Issues, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Odin (Marvel)'s A+ Parenting, Self-Destruction, Slow Burn, Snark, Tony Stark Has A Heart, idk - Freeform, is that self harm?, loki has this tendency to drink super hot stuff without giving a shit, more like
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-02
Updated: 2019-04-14
Packaged: 2019-11-07 11:12:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17959397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LokiStank/pseuds/LokiStank
Summary: When Loki was 21, he met Anthony Edward Stark and everything changed.orthe coming of age university au where Loki learns to love and accept himself that no one asked for.





	1. Foreword

When Loki Aesir was 7, he heard his father speaking - no, sneering - at his mother. He complained in absolute disgust about a male colleague that had chosen to marry a man. Odin swore to keep his children away from those horrific people, those monsters. Frigga said nothing, listening to her husband's words in silence. Loki remembered wondering why someone was considered a monster for love.

When Loki Aesir was 12, his classmates started talking about sex. The boys talked about the girls, staring at their chests as they mumbled to their friends. The girls whispered about what it would be like to get intimate with a boy. Loki never involved himself in this. He was too focused on keeping his mind away from Thor's best friend, Fandral. The 14 year old redhead was the only person that he could speak and laugh with - the only person that Loki had wanted to kiss.

When Loki Aesir was 15, he kissed a boy for the first time. Fandral had come to his room just ten minutes before midnight on new year's eve. They spoke in hushed tones on his bed, both hoping no one would hear, that no one would break this perfect moment. As the countdown began, Fandral licked his lips anxiously, crumbling Loki's inhibitions. They kissed at the stroke of midnight and continued for minutes after. He's pretty sure it meant nothing to the boy, but to Loki, it was everything.

When Loki Aesir was 17, his world came crashing down. His father found him kissing a man in his room. The yeling seemed to go on forever, ending with a halt at words in screamed in outrage. "I made a mistake picking you up, Jotun." His mother had given a loud gasp, a dam having broken in her as Loki asked what that meant. Odin had let Loki continue to stay with the family after discovering his sinful act - and after Loki learned the truth - with Frigga's promise that it was just a phase, Loki was normal. He would have left, ran away, but the chance on the streets were too low.

When Loki Aesir was 19, he finally escaped. Odin sent him off to university in New York. The man claimed it was for Loki's education but everyone knew better; it was to get rid of him. Loki decided he cared fuck all about Odin's traditional views, making it a point to have casual sex with any willing man. It would be more satisfying if he knew, but Loki still cared about his education. If Odin found out, he'd be cut off.

When Loki Aesir was 21, he met Anthony Edward Stark and everything changed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hellooo. my plan for this fic as of right now is more or less 10-20k words. i really don't know when and if i'll find time to actually sit down and commit to it, but i will most definitely try. i have a few parts written but their scenes aren't until the last chapter.  
> im posting this right now just for the feedback. let me know what you think and if i should continue or just abandon it. love y'all, goodnight.


	2. Chapter One

Loki held the books closer to his chest, ducking his head as he speed-walked through campus. They haven't seen him. He's safe; at least, for now. He wanted to yell at them but really, he knew it was his fault anyway. They'd already told him they'd be there to send Thor off, but he'd still made the idiotic decision to leave his dorm. Maybe he deserved to bump into them. 

A boisterous laugh was heard from where Loki knew they stood. He had to forcibly keep his head down to curb the urge he felt to tell the man to shut up. Thor's laughter had always been much too loud for his liking.

 _Just keep walking, you're almost there,_  he thought to himself. A few more metres and he'd be back at the dorms and away from them.

Loki was pretty sure Thor had only accepted the transfer here to torture him. Why else would the big idiot take interest in NYU? He'd always publicly declared his love for that university he'd went to back home. Thor loved it too much to leave for a stupid football scholarship. Odin had more than enough money to pay for them both going to college and then tons more. No, this was definitely a personal thing.

Looking up, Loki realized he was finally at the dorm building. He ran into the lobby, ignoring Clint's call as he rushed into the elevator. Thank god they hadn't seen him. Loki sighed in relief, the tension melting off him as he leaned against the elevator's wall.  _They hadn't seen him_ , he repeated to himself.  _They hadn't seen him_.

Once back in the safety of his room, Loki threw his books onto the floor, allowing his body to collapse beside them. He fell with a soft thud onto the carpet and laid there miserably. This was his room and he could drown in dramatic self-pity if he wanted to. 

Amidst his sulking, Loki hadn't heard the door open until a pair of legs came to a still beside him, one foot coming out to kick him softly. "What's with the pity party, asshole? One of your hookups looking for an actual relationship?"

Oh right, this wasn't his own room.

"They're here," he groaned, dramatically throwing an arm over his eyes. Loki knew he looked and sounded like a whiny child, but he really couldn't care less right now. "They're here and I don't want them to be."

Clint didn't say anything. Loki heard as his roommate pushed his books out of the way to lay down next to him. He laid in silence with Loki, the both of them listening to the sounds of a college campus. Students could be heard rushing in and out of their dorms. Some were fighting, others talked softly. A few rooms over, they could hear a couple having sex and their neighbours screaming at them to shut up. Typical day.

Of course, Odin and his stupid family had to ruin it. All he had wanted was a simple day.

"I'm going to make you some tea," Clint said, getting up. Loki just nodded in response, trying to telepathically deliver his gratefulness to the man without doing anything requiring energy. Clint really was the best friend he could ask for. Loki didn't think he really deserved him.

Loki listened to the water boil, watched the kettle light up blue and the bubbles dance inside it. He gazed blankly as Clint poured some coffee for himself and pulled out a teabag and mug for Loki. Clint brought the steaming mug over to him, placing it next to his arm as he himself sat cross legged beside him, sipping on coffee.

Slowly, Loki got up. He walked towards the window between their beds. Clint was watching him like a hawk, ready to support him when he needed it. Loki parted the curtains and stared down to the fields. His eyes scanned the through the dozens of students lazing or rushing about as he looked for three particular people.

 _Found you_ , he thought. He saw his mother passing Thor an envelope, Odin clapping him on the back with a wide smile. He hadn’t looked that proud when it was Loki that left to come here.

Suddenly feeling overwhelmed, Loki walked back to Clint. He took a large gulp of boiling hot tea, letting it burn his throat as he tried to hide his teary eyes from Clint. Bandaged fingers took the mug away from him, setting it down, before pulling him into a hug.

Loki forced his tears back down, wrapping his arms around his best friend. If nothing else, at least he had him.

 

**0o0**

 

He really shouldn’t have been surprised to find out Thor moved in to the dorm opposite him. By this point, he should have expected it.

But he hadn’t. Loki hadn’t even thought of the dorm opposite his only having one person. It hadn’t crossed his stupid mind that the next person to join the school would be located to that dorm.

Maybe he’d just hoped for one small miracle. Maybe he’d believed the world couldn’t possibly be _that_ cruel. But it was. It was so much worse.

Bruce Banner was a good person. Under different circumstances, Loki could find himself really liking the man. He was extremely smart, he was good looking, he was kind and humble, and he was also unfortunate enough to now have Thor as his roommate.

Clint broke the news to him over breakfast that morning. Apparently, he’d walked out of their room late last night to speak with Nat when Thor had spoken to him, asking for directions to his room. Clint, being Clint, had stared wide-eyed before bolting out of there without a word.

It would have been funny if Loki wasn’t on the verge of a panic attack.

He really had no desire to see Thor. He didn’t want to speak to him, he didn’t even want to look at him. He truly didn’t think he could handle it.

“It’s not like he’s in your classes, right?” Clint tried between forkfuls of eggs. “Chances are you’d only see him twice a day.”

“No. I have that huge gap between Literature and Psych 101.” Loki pushed his own eggs around the plate, staring at them.

“Right.”

A knock at the door startled them out of the gloomy silence they’d fallen into. “I’ll get it,” Clint said, carrying the entire pot of coffee with him.

“Hi.” There stood Bruce Banner in an oversized sweater, his glasses askew, hair an absolute mess. The slightly shorter than average man scratched the back of his neck, a pinched look on his face. “Is Loki in?”

“Depends.” Clint squinted, bringing the coffee pot to his lips. If he was going for intimidating, it wasn’t working. “What do you want, puppy?”

“Puppy?” Bruce looked confused for all of three seconds before deciding it wasn’t worth it. “I need to talk to him.”

Loki sighed, setting his mug down. “I’m over here, Banner.”

Clint squinted a little harder at Bruce, a last attempt to intimidate him as he pulled the door open wider for him. “He’s over there, Banner.”

“Thank you, Barton, it’s almost like I couldn’t see or hear him.”

Bruce walked towards Loki, taking a seat beside him. Clint raised an impressed eyebrow at him, silently nodding his approval. Loki rolled his eyes at his friend, turning his attention to the man seated beside him instead.

“Can I help you?”

“Actually, yeah. You really could, Loki.”

Loki took a bite of his breakfast to stall answering for just a little longer. “What would you need me for exactly? We barely speak, much less meet up in the mornings to talk.”

“My new roommate. The minute he got in the room, he asked if I knew you. You are all he talks about. It’s concerning but also depressing. He asked if I knew your room, but I told him I didn’t.”

“And why is that?”

“I don’t know,” Bruce sighed. “I was worried. Kind of seemed like there was something he was leaving out.”

“Thank you for your concern, Banner.” Loki passed Bruce his fork. “You can finish this. Please don't tell him I live here. I really don’t need that man back in my life.”

Loki grabbed his bag and walked out of his dorm, not looking back at Bruce or Clint. He needed to get out.

 

**0o0**

 

Maybe he's overreacting. Thor wasn't even that involved in everything that happened back home.

But Loki didn't want to think about that right now. 

"Loki?" The man rubbed at his eyes, yawning as he leaned against the door frame. "It's 10 in the morning, what are you doing here?"

"Did I wake you up?"

"I think that's obvious. What do you need?"

"A time machine for starters," Loki drawled, counting on his fingers. "More importantly, I need you to get back in bed."

"With or without you?" The man grinned wickedly, moving back into the empty dorm. "Why now, Loki?"

Loki let his eyes run down the man's sculpted body before going back up to his eyes. "I need you to make me forget."

 

* * *

 

Loki woke up to his phone ringing.

He groggily pushed the crisp white sheets off his naked body, fumbling to reach the phone on the bedside table. The man next to him stirred in his sleep, arm coming around to hug Loki’s pillow. It’s a good thing the phone woke him up. Loki had no interest in being here once the man woke up.

“Hello?” He answered the phone with one hand, his focus on finding his clothes. “Who is this?”

“It’s Clint.” Oh shit. “Where the hell are you, Loki? I’ve been calling for hours.”

“Sorry. I’m with a friend.”

“Yeah sure,” he said sarcastically. “Put your clothes on and get back here. You have class in an hour.”

Clint didn’t give him a chance to answer, hanging up as soon as he was done speaking. Loki sighed, throwing the phone onto the bed to pull his pants up. Once he was fully dressed, Loki picked the phone back up and walked briskly to the door.

“Loki?” Shit again. “Where are you going?”

“I have class in an hour, really have to get going. I’m sorry, uh,” Loki stuttered, not really remembering the man’s name.

“Michael.” The man looked pissed. “My name is Michael. Don’t really know why I expected you to remember.”

“I’m sorry Michael, but I really have to go. See you around.”

Michael huffed as Loki jogged out of the dorm. Loki knew he’d not be seeing that guy again for a long time. Unless he’s desperate.

The campus streets were filled with students rushing to and from classes, heads either held down or held high as they joked with friends. Loki strolled leisurely, taking a moment to enjoy the rare feeling of sun on his skin. He really should get out more.

A few people that he didn’t even know smiled and waved at him. Loki felt light, smiling and waving back at them. He pulled his hair into a ponytail at the nape of his neck, receiving an approving look from a girl he often spoke to in class.

Maybe today didn’t have to be so bad, after all.

The first person Loki saw upon entering his dorm room was Natasha. Instantly, Loki knew he was in trouble.

The redhead stormed over to him, hand coming out to hit him over the head. Hard.

“What the fuck, Natasha?” Loki demanded, rubbing the spot she’d hit. He hadn’t seen his friend this angry in a while.

She grabbed him by the collar, sniffing his shirt as he tried not to be afraid of her. “You’ve been smoking again. I thought we agreed you’d stop that, Loki. We made a deal.”

“It’s not important, Nat.” Loki rolled his eyes, shifting to be out of her grasp. “I just felt like it, that’s all.”

“You just felt like it?” That would be Clint, coming to stand before him, arms crossed at the chest. “You haven’t smoked in almost two years. And you reek of a quick fuck.”

“My vices are none of your concern,” Loki growled, looking between the both of them. “Both of you.”

“Oh,  _fuck_  that. Of course it’s our concern.”

“You live with me, so I think I’m at least slightly involved in your bad decisions.”

Loki ignored them, striding towards the kitchen island. He tuned out Nat’s nagging by pouring himself a mug of tea, leftovers from that morning. He listened to the microwave heat his lunch up instead of paying mind to Clint’s disappointed lecture. This was normal. This was basically routine.

“We’re talking to you, Loki!” Natasha screamed.

He turned to glare at them, face burning with anger. “And I don’t want to listen to it. Leave.”

“We’re not leaving.”

“Leave!” Loki shouted. He felt the twinge of guilt as his friends flinched back in shock. He spoke softer, “Just leave, please.”

But they didn’t.

Loki turned back to his tea, gulping down the steaming liquid. He felt Natasha’s slim but strong arms wrap around him from the back, her head coming to rest on his shoulder. Clint appeared on the other side of the island, prying the mug out of his hands. The familiar smell of Nat’s hair and her weight against his back calmed him down as much as Clint’s firm grip on his hands.

“We’re not leaving,” she repeated. “We’re never leaving.”

And he knew it was true. He didn’t deserve them.

“Well, I am,” he said. “I have class in 20 minutes.”

He felt Nat nod on his shoulder. “Do you want me to drive you?”

“Sure. Thank you.”

“It’s nothing.” She let him go, walking to the door. “Come on.”

Loki looked back at Clint, smiling his gratitude. He beamed back at him, clearing any ill feelings. Loki picked up his bag and made for the door, Nat following behind him, keys jingling as she tossed it up and down.

“Are you okay?” Nat asked as she started driving.

“I’m fine,” he lied. He ran a hand through his hair, releasing it from it's ponytail.

She raised an eyebrow at him.

“Really. I am.”

“Yeah, sure. That’s why you relapsed on cigarettes and went out to sleep with a stranger.”

“Mitchell’s not a stranger. Wait, Michael.”

Natasha sighed. “Loki, y- “

“Can we please not do this, Natasha? I don’t want to fight again. I’ll come to you or Clint if I really need to, alright? Just, not yet.”

“You promise?”

“Yes, you child,” Loki joked attempting to lighten the atmosphere. The tension in the car was thick enough to cut with a knife.

She snickered. Atmosphere officially lightened. “Don’t make me force you into a pinky promise.”

“You wouldn’t.”

She stuck her pinky out.

“No.”

“Pinky promise, Loki.”

“No.”

“I will keep my pinky out until you do.”

“No.”

“Pinky promise!”

“Jesus Christ, alright,” he gave in. He stuck his own pinky out, linking it with Nat’s. “Happy?”

“Say ‘I pinky promise to talk to either Natasha or Clint if I start getting bad again.’”

“You’re not serious.” The look on her face made it clear she was, Loki sighed, knowing he was not winning against that face. “Fine. I pinky promise to talk to either Natasha or Clint if I start getting bad again.”

“Good.” She nodded, grinning as she broke their fingers apart, placing the hand back onto the wheel. “Now get out. We’re here.”

“Thank you, Nat.” Loki left the car, rushing up the stairs to class. He turned around to see Natasha watching him through the open window.

She waved, winking at him before driving off.

 

**0o0**

 

Loki scanned the field for a nice spot.

He finally spotted a large tree, perfect for relaxing under. He strolled there, looking around at the other students eating lunch or sipping out of coffee cups. Some just lay there, on the grass, cloud watching.

Loki threw his bag down, sitting crisscrossed as he leaned against the tree. He pulled out a sandwich, impatiently unwrapping it. He paid no attention to the other man coming up to him, nodding absently to his question, more interested in devouring the sandwich. He hadn’t realized how hungry he was, having barely eaten all day.

He stopped only at the sound of a chuckle from beside him.

“What,” he snapped at the brown-haired man.

The man chuckled again. Loki couldn’t help but find it slightly attractive. “Nothing. You just look adorable.”

“I’m not adorable,” he glared.

“That look is adorable.”

“I’m not adorable!”

“Sure, man.” The man laughed again, biting into his own sandwich. “I’m Tony, by the way.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“And?”

“And what?” Loki quirked an eyebrow at him.

“Usually when people tell you their name, you tell them yours too.” Tony shrugged. “Kind of basic human knowledge.”

“I tell my name to people I want in my life.” Loki looked him up and down. “Not so sure about you yet.”

Tony pouted adorably. “But.”

“But?”

“I don’t know.”

Loki bit down a smile at that. He finished off his sandwich and took a drink of his chocolate milk. “Well, thank you for making lunch slightly less boring, Tony,” he said, getting up, wiping his pants down.

“You’re leaving?”

“I have class.”

“And I don’t have your name or number.”

“I don’t see the problem there. Goodbye.”

Loki walked away, smiling to himself at the look he’d seen on Tony’s face. He wasn’t above admitting that he wouldn’t mind bumping into the man again.

He sped to his next class, not wanting to be late. He picked up his speed subtly when he heard running behind him, rolling his eyes when he saw who it was.

“Slow down!”

“I’m going to be late.”

“Does it matter?” Tony asked, having finally caught up with him.

“A little bit, yeah.”

Tony grinned wickedly, looking up at him. “I like you.”

“You have good taste then,” Loki retorted, biting his lip to suppress the smile threatening to grow.

“So I’ve been told. What class you rushing to?”

“Basic Psychology.”

“Oh cool. I’ve got Engineering right now.”

“Good for you.”

Loki glanced at him when the man went silent. Tony was pouting again, staring up at him with puppy dog eyes. He sighed, giving up. “Loki.”

“What?” The pout turned to a confused frown. Loki ignored how attractive he found that look.

“My name.”

“Oh. Oh! So, you want me in your life then,” Tony beamed, sidling up to him.

Loki playfully shoved him away. “Don’t get ahead of yourself.”

“Well, goodbye Loki,” Tony grinned, saying his name in a sing-song manner.

“Where are you going?”

“I have class.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> looking for beta reader. leave a comment if you're interested. thank youu


	3. Chapter 3

Bruce sat at the table, sipping a mug of coffee. Clint had let him in and poured him the drink, all the while glaring and not saying a word. Loki watched them from under the bed.

“So, is he here?” Bruce spoke up awkwardly.

“No. You should leave.” Clint picked up the coffee pot, taking a long drink. “He’s not here.”

“Clint, I can see his hair peeking out from there.” Bruce turned to stare straight at him. “Can I please talk to you, Loki? I really don’t think you can even breathe from down there.”

Loki heaved a dramatic sigh, which he instantly regretted when it stirred up dust. He sneezed loudly, his head shooting up to hit the bed. “Ow!” He yelled. “That fucking hurt, stupid bed.”

Clint was howling with laughter when Loki finally emerged, hair masked with dust. Bruce himself was trying to subdue a few chuckles. “Not funny,” he snapped, taking the mug a still laughing Clint passed him.

He poured himself some of Clint’s coffee. It was not his usual drink, but he had a feeling the caffeine would be much needed. Clint stopped laughing, shooting him a look of disapproval. He pulled out another mug and a teabag, pouring hot water in. “For when you change your mind,” he explained.

“What do you need, Bruce?”

“Thor told me.” Bruce sighed, placing his mug down. “He told me everything.”

Loki blinked. “And what does that mean? What do you mean  _everything_ , Banner?”

“He got drunk last night. Absolutely wasted. And he stumbled into the room, he was crying, Loki, sobbing. He told me how much he missed you and how much he loved you and how it hurt that he hadn’t seen or spoken to you in years.”

“Clint, could you - “

“I’m already gone,” he assured, taking the coffee pot with him as he slipped out the door.

“Why should I care, Bruce?” Loki laughed bitterly. “Why should I care about his feelings now when he couldn’t give a flying fuck about mine when it mattered.”

“He told me about that day. When it all went to shit; he told me about it. He said he wanted to help you, he wanted to stop your dad, but he was scared.”

“Oh well that makes it all better, doesn’t it?” Loki scoffed, looking away. “He was scared. I completely forgive him now.”

Bruce sighed wearily, placing the mug against his lips. They sat in silence for a few beats before he decided to speak again. “Look, Loki, I know it’s not my place, but please talk to him. Not just for him. For yourself too. There’s too much unresolved tension and it’s just going to eat the both of you alive, okay? I’ve seen this happen before and I know we don’t know each other well, but I care about you, Loki. I want to see you happy.”

“You’re right,” Loki said. “It’s not your place.”

Bruce got up, nodding. “I’m sorry.” He walked slowly to the door, stopping when he opened it. “I still think you should talk to him.”

Loki didn’t bother responding, keeping his eyes instead on his now empty coffee mug. He listened to the door click, pulling the mug of tea Clint made him closer. He downed the steaming liquid in one go, ignoring the hot tear rolling down his cheek.

 

 “Hey you!”

Loki groaned, throwing his head back. “Not you again.”

“Yes, me again. I’m a blessing, asshole,” Tony claimed, plopping down next to him. “A true angel.”

“Why do you always show up when I want to be alone?”

“Angel; I told you.” He laid down, head propped up against the tree. “Keep up, Lokes.”

Loki snorted, a smile tugging at his lips. “Alright, Angel.”

He watched as Tony struggled to hide his flush at the endearment. “So, what’s got you down?” he asked once he’d recovered.

“What?”

“You said you wanted to be alone, ergo somethings got you down. What is it?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh, come one, you can tell me. I’m just a stranger.”

Loki raised an eyebrow, staring at the man chew on his sandwich. “Do you hear yourself when you speak?”

“Yeah. My voice is amazing. You should hear me sing.”

“I truly doubt it.”

Tony gaped at him, offended. “I will prove you wrong right now.” He sat up, turning to face Loki. “What’s your favourite song? Fuck it, I’m going to sing Adele.”

Loki jumped forward, covering the man’s mouth just as he heard the starting words of Someone Like You. “It’s alright,” he laughed. “You don’t need to.”

Tony grinned as though he’d just accomplished something.

“What?”

“Mission complete.” He flopped back down, but this time, he placed his head on Loki’s lap. “I made you laugh.”

Loki snorted disbelievingly, looking away to hide his smile. “Do you have nothing better to do?”

“Well, classes are pretty boring. They’re all stupidly easy.” Tony shook his head in disapproval. “It’s like meant for a five-year-old or something.”

“What are you majoring in?”

“Physics and engineering.”

Loki blinked. “And it’s  _easy_?”

“Yes. Insanely.”

“For someone as idiotic as you, you’re surprisingly smart.”

“Thanks, I think,” Tony frowned up at him, stealing a grape out of Loki’s lunch box. “I hear that a lot.”

“That’s not surprising.” He grabbed his grape back just as Tony was about to put it in his mouth. “Eat your own food.”

The apparent genius pouted, closing his eyes and making himself comfortable on Loki’s lap. He wasn’t sure what to do about that. Should he push him off? He stared at Tony. He looked serene, the aura soothing Loki as well. He hadn’t felt this calm all day.

“Stop staring at me,” Tony spoke, eyes still closed, lips twitching into a smile.

“I’m not,” Loki lied.

Tony cracked an eye open, just in time to watch Loki look away. “Yeah, sure. Just take a picture, it’ll last longer.”

“Don’t make me push you off.”

Tony chuckled, closing his eyes again. “Do you have a class after this?”

“No. The professor cancelled.”

Tony hummed. “I don’t have class for another 3 hours, so we’re good.”

“Good for what exactly?”

“You and I are staying here, relaxing like this, for the next three hours.”

“When did I agree to that?”

“Shush.” Tony swatted at him. “Relax.”

Loki found that there was nothing he could say or do to dissuade Tony, but he didn’t really want to anyway.

 

Loki groaned as someone shook him awake. “Go away,” he whispered, still half asleep.

“Wake up, Loki.”

His eyes snapped open. Natasha. He looked around, realizing he was still very much in the middle of campus, asleep against a tree. Loki looked down, feeling Tony shift on his lap. He was rubbing his eyes, yawning as he was stirred awake by Natasha’s voice. Loki couldn’t help the fond smile blooming on his face.

“Welcome back to the living,” Nat snapped. “What are you doing here?”

“I  _was_  sleeping.”

She rolled her eyes. “I noticed.” She only then seemed to realize Tony’s presence. “Care to introduce me to your friend?”

“I’m Tony.” The man sat up, sticking a hand out to Natasha. She shook it gingerly. “Nice to meet you, um?”

“Natasha Romanoff.”

“Nice to meet you, Natasha. I’m Tony Stark.”

She gave him a forced smile, nodding before setting her attention back on Loki. “Let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” he asked, unable to help himself as she pulled him up. “Slow down, Nat. Let me get my stuff.”

She let him go hesitantly, eyeing Tony. Loki watched them out of the corner of his eye as he kneeled to pack his bag. Tony was staring at her just as intently. “I’m sorry, do I know you?” he asked.

“No.”

“Then why – “

“Are you done, Loki?”

Loki nodded, standing back up. “See you some other time, Angel.” Loki smirked, winking at a now flustered Tony.

Nat rolled her eyes, taking his arm as they walked away. She looked back to where they had stood, glaring when she spotted Tony packing up. She mumbled something in Russian under her breath, rolling her eyes.

“Something tells me you don’t like him,” he said, voice laced with sarcasm.

“What gave it away?” She answered in the same tone.

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe the glaring and harsh smiles.” Natasha kept her gaze forward, not showing any signs of having heard him. “What is it, Nat?”

“I just don’t like him.”

“Why?”

“He has a reputation.”

“So do I. So do you,” he bit out back.

She sighed. “Loki, I don’t want you back into those bad habits, okay?”

“What are you talking about?”

She stopped walking, moving to stand before him. “The smoking, the drugs, the sex, everything. You barely crawled out of that hole and now that Thor’s here, you’re already slipping back in.”

“I’m fine, Natasha. What does he have to do with any of that?”

“It’s what he’s known for.” She spoke like it was something obvious, something he should have known all along. “Tony Stark, gazillionaire father, possible future CEO of Stark Industries- a fucking war profiting industry- he’s known for his insane parties and his love for mindless sex and getting high.”

“Those are just rumors, Natasha.” Loki wasn’t quite sure why he was getting so defensive. He barely knew the man, after all. “I thought you’d know better than anyone not to believe those.”

Natasha gazed at him as though he’d just struck her. “I’m going to pretend you didn’t just say that.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Alright.”

Loki knew it was a low blow, attacking her past like that. But wasn’t that exactly what she’s doing to Tony right now? He shrugged the thought of his mind, letting it wander to other irrelevant things as he strolled along the campus with one of his best friends.

“It’s been a while since we’ve done this,” he voiced his thoughts. “Just me and you, taking a walk. The only thing missing is coffee.”

“Not for long.” She pointed to a café to his left. “Let’s go.”

The café door opened with a little jingle, bringing the barista’s attention to them. The woman smiled in greeting as Loki went to get their usual orders, leaving Natasha to look around for a place to sit.

“Hi, welcome,” the barista greeted. She was way too cheerful to be a longtime student. Freshman, probably. “My name is Mantis. What can I get you today?”

Her liveliness was infectious, and Loki found himself grinning back at her. “One caramel latte, extra caramel and one spiced chai latte, please.”

“Be with you in a minute, sir.”

“Thank you.” He smiled at her again as he paid, before turning to see Natasha.

She sped up to him, standing close enough to block his view of the seating area. “I just remembered I have homework. We can’t stay here; let’s go.”

He frowned at her, confused. “You never forget homework, Natasha. You pride yourself on that.”

“I just did this once, okay. Can we go?”

“Alright, fine. Let me just get the drinks.” He spun to watch Mantis put the lids on their drinks.

“Here you go,” she passed the drinks over. He grinned at her in thanks and apology as Natasha hastily dragged him out.

“What the hell, Nat,” he hissed, pulling his arm out of her grip. “Are you trying to detach my arm?”

“Sorry,” she mumbled, taking her drink. “Let’s go.”

“Jesus, Nat, what’s gotten into you?”

“Nothing.”

Loki sighed, giving up as they continued their walk back to the dorms. He looked over his shoulder to the café as they walked, hoping to catch a glimpse of whatever had scared Natasha out.

 _Oh,_ he thought. That’s why.

Standing there, nursing a mug of coffee with Bruce was Thor, laughing without a care in the world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter goes out to my amazing beta, BatGargoyle. Love you, and thank you for finding the mistakes i was too excited to notice.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alcohol is injurious to health, kids

This entire thing was leaving a bad taste in his mouth. He was blowing it way out of proportion, he knew. It was a bad habit. Odin had always berated him for that. “There are people out there that have it a lot worse, Loki. Enough with the dramatics,” he’d always warn.

Everything could be solved if Loki just spoke to Thor, told him to stay out of his way; maybe lash out a little, throw a few cutting sentences. He could save himself so much pain if he wasn’t such a coward.

But he was, so here he sat, not paying attention in class.

His mind wandered, illustrating various possibilities for his first confrontation with Thor. Would it go well? Would they both leave finally having some form of closure? Or would everything go to hell? Would they scream until their throats were raw, voices hoarse? Would they throw things around the room?

He was pulled out of his thought by a nudge on his ribs.

“Where are you, Loki?” Steve inquired. “I know you’re already acing the class but at least pretend you put some effort into it. The rest of us have had to study for years.”

Loki huffed a laugh, knowing the man well enough to recognize the teasing in his serious tone. “Just thinking.”

“Anything important?”

Loki sighed. “I’m not sure,” he confessed.

“Good luck with it, then.”

A smile ghosted Loki’s features. That’s one of the best things about having Steve in his life. He never implored more than he needed, always knowing just when to stop. “Thanks.”

“Let’s go,” Steve said, packing up his stuff.

“Well that was fast,” he observed. He’d lost track of time.

“It would’ve felt much longer if you’d bothered to pay attention,” Steve chided, eyebrows displaying his disappointment.

Loki laughed. “Me? Never.”

“Your high grades are a mystery.”

“Don’t worry too much, Rogers. You’ll hurt yourself.”

“Oh ha-ha.” Steve rolled his eyes, a small smile betraying his façade.

Steve pulled his ringing phone out of his pocket as they walked out the room, answering the call. “Yeah, Tony?”

Loki perked at the name, wondering if it was his Tony. He listened in as Steve scolded the man for an unknown incident, only to have the topic smoothly changed to an argument on whose turn it was to buy the groceries. Steve’s tone screamed that this conversation was a frequent one, and definitely one that he frequently lost.

“Fine. I’ll buy it on the way back.” Called it. “But next week it’s your turn, Tony.”

Steve sighed as he hung up, looking at Loki for sympathy. “He’s awful.”

“Roommates usually are. Sometimes.”

“Yeah,” he laughed fondly. “Only sometimes. Well, I’ve got to go. Groceries to buy and all that.”

“Good luck,” Loki wished, waving as Steve walked away.

 

**0o0**

 

Loki staggered across the room, bottle clutched a little too tightly in his hand. He came to a stop in front of the door.

Liquid courage was much required for what he had planned. He swung the bottle up to his lips again, the cool glass contrasting with the heat he felt inside. He swallowed the whiskey, reveling in the burn of it as it slid down his throat. 

_Come on, Loki. Don't chicken out._

He was going to do this. Tonight. He was going to do this tonight. No one was going to stop him, no one was  _here_  to stop him. He was going to do this. Tonight. 

Loki fiddled with the doorknob, getting increasingly frustrated every time his hand slipped, messing up the usual ritual to open the door. Stupid door. He'd reminded Clint for months now to get the school to fix it. It always got jammed just when they needed it the most. 

Finally getting it open, he tripped out of the room, landing with a thud on the hard ground.  _This is alright_ , he thought. He pushed himself back up on weak arms, shaking as he walked to the dorm room across his. The corridor felt like an endless tunnel. He'd never make it to the room. 

But he did. The door to Thor's room stood intimidatingly before him. Before he could stop himself, his fists pounded on the door, the sound loud and jarring in the eerie silence. This piece of wood was all that lay between him and years of icy silence. He wished it would never open.

Wishes don't come true however and open the door did. And there he stood. Thor. 

The blond's eyes widened in utter shock as he gaped at the sight before him. And what a sight Loki must be. His clothes were wrinkled, his hair a bird's nest, and oh, the way he reeked of cheap alcohol certainly left no doubt as to his state at that moment. Loki was absolutely wasted. 

Just as he came to the realization that this might be a big mistake, Thor gave a surprised, gleeful laugh. His eyes sparkled as he threw those huge arms around Loki, squeezing him impossibly tight, momentarily cutting off his oxygen and blood circulation.

"Let me lose you big oaf," Loki gasped out. "I can't bloody breathe."

"Sorry, I'm sorry." Thor let him go abruptly but kept him no further than an arm’s length away. "What are you doing here, brother?"

"Do you not want to see me?" Loki was confident his voice sounded smooth and sure. "I heard from a certain someone that all you do is sob about me. Is that not true then?"

"You're drunk," Thor observed, his tone so flat Loki had to fight off a flinch. Maybe his voice wasn’t that smooth. "Of course you're drunk. Come in, Loki. Drink a glass of water."

Thor made a move to grab at his arm, but Loki snatched it away. "No. I'm fine."

"Well there's a lie I've gotten used to hearing from you." Thor took hold of his arm in a firm grip, ignoring Loki's weak resistance. "Stop fighting me, brother. Come. Drink some water."

"I'm fine, Thor," he insisted, but still gave up his fight. He allowed Thor to guide him into the dorm by the elbow, seating him on the edge of his bed. "Thanks."

Bruce sat up, rubbing blearily at his eyes. "Thor?" His voice was rough with sleep as he took in the scene. Mildly grasping what was going on, he zeroed in on Thor. "Um?"

"Go back to sleep, Bruce," Thor urged, moving from the sink to pass Loki the glass of a water. "Drink all of it."

Loki debated holding onto his stubborn demeanor and refusing, but his thirst won through and he took the glass from the blond, gulping it down. The empty glass was taken from him as he zoned out, letting his eyes roam around the small room. Loki noticed pictures of himself with Thor, of Thor with his family. He was even surprised to find some little figments he’d built for him as a child on the desk table, displayed with pride.

“I kept all of them, brother,” Thor spoke up, reading his mind. “Every stick man drawing, every twig you shaped into special designs. They’re all in a trunk back home. Did you keep any of mine?” Thor’s face turned ashen at his own words. He looked away and back again, staring intently at a spacy Loki. “Did you get my letters, brother?”

“What?” Loki stared at Thor, forcing his increasingly heavy eyes to focus. Everything was so blurry. At Thor’s repeat of the question, Loki’s mind cleared a little as his mood soured. “Yeah, I got all of them,” he bit out, the words bitter on his tongue. “Never bothered to read any of them though. Wasn’t very interested in your bullshit.”

“I figured as much.” The hurt in those puppy dog eyes invoked a surge of guilt in Loki’s chest. “I told you everything in those letters, you know. I asked of your wellbeing, asked if you were happy, had friends, lovers. I told you of my own life. I also spoke of father on occasion. He still loves you, brother.”

“Where was that love when he tried to kick me out of the house?” His voice rised with every word he barked. “Where was that love when he told me I was not his son? Where was it when he spit my birth name like a curse? Where was that love, _brother_?”

Thor fell silent, burning holes into the ground with the weight of his stare. Only then did Loki see they were alone in the room. He hadn’t noticed Banner slip out.

“That’s what I fucking thought.” Loki stood up abruptly, holding onto the desk when his vision swam, heavy nausea uncoiling in his stomach. He swallowed it down, pushing through one last sentence so he could leave. “I don’t even know why I came here.”

“Because you care,” Thor whispered.

“What did you just say?”

“Because you still care, Loki.” Thor was surer of himself now. “You’re here because you still care about me, and you still care about father, and mother, of course. You still care about this family, no matter how much you try to lie to yourself.”

“That’s absurd. I’m here because Bruce Banner is making an appearance at my fucking room every morning to tell me all about how you spent the night missing me. I came here to tell you that you can fuck right off.” He was shouting now, the haze of alcohol thinning with every moment. “You can take that stupid god forsaken family and shove it right up your arse. I don’t give a fuck about any of you. Good night.”

Loki stormed to the door, believing this conversation was over. He’d never have to speak with this man again after this. His conscience was just a little clearer now.

“Where are you, Loki?” Loki heard Thor’s voice crack on his name. “Where are you? What state is your mind in? I love you brother, and I truly miss you. I want you back. I want my brother back. This,” he pointed at him, eyes rapidly filling with tears, “this person is not my brother.”

“You don’t know me,” he growled.

“No, I don’t. But I did. You have changed, that is doubtless. There is ice in your heart now where there wasn’t before. It flows in your veins. You’re freezing over, brother. Get help, please, before you’re too far gone. I see it in your eyes.” Thor was crying. “There is so much hatred there. So much anger and resentment. If you do not want me in your life, then fine.”

“Th- “

“No, don’t. Let me finish. It is fine even if it will hurt me more than you could possibly know. But if it makes you happy, I will live with it. I want to help bring my brother back, that’s the reason I came here, but I see now my efforts are unwanted. I love you, Loki. I will love you always. If you need me, I will be here. Until then, I beg of you please brother, bring yourself back.”

“Good night, Thor,” Loki said, tone sharp and final. “I’ll send Bruce back if I see him.”

Something not unlike pain and guilt clawed at Loki’s heart as he watched the tears fall from Thor’s eyes. Loki closed the door to the dorm firmly with a bang.

 

**0o0**

 

“Loki?”

“Come over,” he drawled, draping himself over his bed, phone pressed against his right ear. “No one’s here.”

“Are you drunk?” he demanded.

“It’s offensive how that’s where your mind went. I can want you without being drunk, you know.”

“Yeah, I know. But you just stumbled over three words in that sentence. Sober Loki would sooner get shot in the leg than fuck up English.”

“Fine. I just had a little,” he confessed. “Doesn’t mean anything.”

“I’m coming over. What’s your dorm?”

Loki gave a little cheer. He rattled off the dorm building and number to Tony as he got up to pour himself another drink. “Be here soon. I can’t wait.”

He heard Tony sigh before hanging up. Loki pondered the meaning behind it for a minute, decided it was nothing, and brought the drink back to the bed. He may have also brought the entire bottle.

He wasn’t sure how much time and how many drinks had passed before he heard the knock on his door. Loki grinned wildly, using the desk to help himself get up. Surprisingly, he made it to the door without tripping and pulled it open to see a disheveled Tony.

The engineering student looked like he’d just rolled out of bed and thrown on the first fragment of clothing he could find, not even bothering to check his hair. Loki didn’t mind. He just wanted his clothes off, anyway.

With that thought in mind, Loki pulled Tony in by his collar, joining their lips in a rush. He kissed Tony with a fire and passion, using the feelings he’d been repressing for days now. Tony didn’t kiss him back, his mouth slack with shock, but Loki didn’t care; he needed this.

Tony pulled back after regaining his senses. He pushed Loki away, keeping his arm on his shoulder. Loki tried to lean in, resume the kiss, but Tony held him back.

“No, Loki,” he apologized. “No.”

Loki felt the anger boil up again. “Why not,” he challenged. “Why the fuck not? I know all about you. I know you want me. So, why not?” He was basically screaming by now, voice loud and harsh, arms flailing as he yelled. “I know you want me, you asshole! Why won’t you let me have this?”

“You’re drunk, Loki!” Tony barked. “You’re drunk out of your mind,” he said after a stunned silence and a few deep breaths. “Yes, I want you. God, yes, I want you, Loki. But not like this. This,” he motions between them, “this would be rape, Lokes.”

The raw concern and honesty in his voice is what did it. Loki collapsed into Tony’s arms, his entire body shaking as he sobbed silently into Tony’s shoulder. The stunned engineer wrapped his arms around him, holding tight while gently nudging him to move to the bed.

They fell into it once there, Loki curling into a ball, his head on Tony’s chest, arms wrapped around his torso. As he cried, Tony rubbed soft circles into his back, mumbling soothing words against the top of his head. Occasionally, he’d stop to press a kiss there, calming Loki just that little bit more.

At some point, Loki remembered feeling Tony shift minimally to get something out of his pocket. He heard him call someone, probably his roommate. “Do you know Clint Barton? You do? Okay, great. Call him, tell him to get back to his room. Loki needs him.”

Loki fell asleep to the sound of Tony’s soothing voice, the feel of Tony’s hands on his back, the sound of Tony’s steady heartbeat right over his ear. He could still taste the lingering bitter coffee in his mouth from when he’d kissed him. Loki fell asleep to Tony. Loki fell asleep wishing it could be like this every day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow this was way later than expected. sorry! it was supposed to be longer but it just felt right to end it here, you know. idk, it's unbetaed.  
> kudos and comments inspire earlier updates!  
> alos, im looking for another beta. i love my usual one to death but she's always busy with irl stuff. leave a comment if youre interested!


End file.
